The Doors (1991)

Full Disclosure: I drank a bottle of wine before watching this and for this reason do not have many notes that are legible or relevant. Also, I've always kind of thought The Doors were an overrated band.

That said, being moderately blotto on wine may be the perfect condition for the viewing of this movie. This is the first movie The Kilmer Project has yet encountered where a convincing case could be made that Val Kilmer's claims to method acting are legitimate. He looks eerily like Jim Morrison and goes with the weird script and Oliver Stone's trippy directing so naturally. Plus all the druuuuuuuuuuugs:



This movie features Kilmer following a hallucinatory Native American which seems strangely fitting. This can briefly be seen near the end of the clip above where they 'ride the snake,' in hilariously copyright infringement circumventing German. This is a recurring theme at this point in Kilmer's career and could conceivaby be read as an attempt on Kilmer's part to connect to that portion of his genealogy.

I think I should take this time to point out, that as Jim Morrison is (probably erroneously) seen by some as a great American poet, that Val Kilmer himself is a bit of a poet. He wrote and self published a book of poetry in the 80's that is now incredibly rare (going for over $600). It has a poem about a young fling he had with Michelle Pfiefer entitled "The Pfiefer Howls at the Moon," (seriously!) and will be in my amazon.com wish list indefinitely.

But Jim Morrison, in my opinion is first and foremost a rock star, not a poet. Accordingly, "The Doors" follows the typical rock star biopic formula (starting with a purehearted love of music, finding unexpected stardom, success bringing new problems, drugs, cheating on spouses, gradual demise, brief chance of a turnaround, death) with some minor exceptions. For example, Jim Morrison is constantly on drugs and that doesn't seem to be his problem. Also, instead of putting Morrison up on a pedastal the Oliver Stone movie trys repeatedly to suggest that he was kind of scumbag who doubted his own profundity in his rare moments of sobriety. He has a weepy little pity party and exclaims "I'm a fake hero. This is a joke god played on me." I suppose your perspective on The Doors' music will determine whether or not you find Jim Morrison to be an insufferable, nihilistic, drug addled maniac or a reincarnated Dionysis whose music will echo throughout all recorded history. This scene definitely takes the middle ground.

Kilmer's definitely singing all the songs in the movie which is really pretty impressive. The movie is, however, so entirely tripped out that it takes some effort to get through it all. Like a bad trip it goes on too long and you kind of want it to end before it does. Oliver Stone's vision of the movie is pitch perfect with melting images and inexplicable hallucinations. This was a big win for Kilmer, the Lizard King.

On a personal note, and keeping with the themes of Dionysis (the god of wine also known as Bacchus), I just got back from New Orleans where I saw Val Kilmer in person as the King of the Krewe of Bacchus. I couldn't get a good photo in from where I was because it was dark and they were moving on by the time I got my focus about right, but take a look at him:So regal, so jolly. The question arose at the time, as a method actor does Val Kilmer believe that he is an actual monarch as he sits on the Mardi Gras parade float? Will he only answer to "your highness?" I'm leaning towards the answer to this being yes because Kid Rock was not dressed up like this on his float. Some of you out there may be wondering if I went to Mardi Gras only to see Val Kilmer. The fact is that I had the trip planned months before I knew he would be there. So no, I didn't go just to see Val Kilmer. That would have been weird.

Kill Me Again (1989)

We're approaching the end of the first decade of Kilmerness. He's gradually made the transition from a rock star, to a college whiz kid, to a sword wielding champion. He's achieved moderate fame primarily from his harsh but fair turn as Iceman in "Top Gun." Now he plays something a bit more classical. In 1989's film noir "Kill Me Again" Kilmer plays a Reno, NV detective who chases after his lovely female client (in this case played by his real life wife... at the time). I'd be lying if I didn't say that most of my notes relating to this film involve varying exclamations of what a stunner Joanne Whaley(-Kilmer) is in this movie. Seriously, what a babe:

A black leather jacketed Michael Madsen (pre-"Resevoir Dogs") plays a psychotic and jilted ex-lover who had a suitcase full of cash taken from him by our lady of craps pictured above. Kilmer plays a mob-indebted widdower who decides to help her get away from Madsen by faking her death. The one film class I took in college was about film noir so I'm going to briefly list all the tropes of this genre that are featured in this movie: detective protagonist, barren setting (desert), venetian blinds, neon signs, smoking cigarettes, elaborate use of shadow, scorchingly hot but troublesome female love interest. You see, it's basically "The Maltese Falcon" in Nevada. There's some running away through a Native American reservation that I feel obligated to point out because of Kilmer's partially indiginous background and the prevalence of such characters in the next two movies.

For a movie with a movie star couple, they actually seem to have legitimate chemistry so it's not as unsufferable as similar vehicles. It's a decent if not especially memorible movie to close out the decade.

Willow (1988)

I'm going to tell you a story. It's a fantasy tale about a mystical land in which a village of half-sized humans encounter a foreign object sought by an evil foreign power that will burn the world down to get to this potentially game-changing object. The half-sized critter cursed enough to find themselves tasked with the burden of carrying this object is encouraged by a wizard to take it on a great and perilous journey in order to preserve goodness in the face of the spreading forces of evil. Thankfully, the helpless and moderately annoying half-sized guy meets a mighty human swordsman of mysterious origins who helps them to fight off the armies of evildoers. The swordsman finds himself in the midst of a complicated romance with a princess of sorts. Also, an evil sorcerer and a benevolent wizard fight it out by magically flinging each other through the air of the evil wizard's tower. The half sized guy survives all this and returns heroically to his boring little village.

Obviously, you'd think I was talking about the "Lord Of the Rings" trilogy, but you'd be wrong. It's "Willow." "But they ripped off LOTR" you will protest. Alas, you're mistaken, I will assure you, for Lord of the Rings was not released until 2001, a full 14 years after "Willow" got its nerd on in theaters. Directed by Ron Howard and 'written' by George Lucas, I'm amazed that I hadn't really ever heard of it before. Dear readers, I must inform you that if that comparison to Lord of the Rings is allowed, Val Kilmer, as Madartigan, is the Aragorn of this shit.


I could spend the whole post going through point by point how the script (written by George Lucas, so you know it'll nuke the fridge!) is um... inspired by (read: directly ripped off from) the J.R.R. Tolkein Lord of the Rings Trilogy. But that would be boring and reveal the depths of my own nerdiness in a way that I'm just not comfortable with right now. So let me take it in a more general direction.

Willow is the name of the hobbit-like main character. He's played by a real-life tiny guy named Warwick Davis whose filmography reads like a fantasy based bookstore gone bad. At this time he would have been fresh off his success at playing Wickett the Ewok in "Return of the Jedi." He rescues a baby, Moses-style, from a riverbed without knowing an evil queen is looking for it. The hobbits are called "Pecks" by humans but I think we're suppossed to assume it's mildly derogatory, I'm not really sure. So Willow and some other Pecks take the baby over the hills to deliver it to the first human they see, who happens to be Val Kilmer in a cage. Kilmer is a swordsman named Madmartigan who is a soldier for no real country and kind of a total badass. Kilmer ends up helping Willow try to keep this baby from falling into the hands of the evil queen Bavmorda's forces. These names... seriously George Lucas, what were you thinking? So Queen Bavmorda sends her general and warrior daughter after this baby which has been prophesized as a threat to her empire. Why does that sound so familiar? Oh yeah, that's almost what happened with Jesus. So let's expand the source material of Willow to include the New Testament.

Most of the movie consists of a threat chasing after Willow and Madmortigan and Willow shouting in an annoying manner something along the lines of "Madmortigan, hurry! They're coming, Madmortigan!" Val Kilmer slices a bunch of evildoers down and is ruggedly charming. He seduces the evil queen's daughter. The evil but easily seduced princess is played by Joanne Whaley who would soon thereafter marry Kilmer for twelve years and mother two of his children (in real life).

There's so much more going on in this movie but it all kind of requires a big explanation (the good wizard is stuck in an animal's body but can talk... ?) so I'm going to summarize it by saying that because George Lucas touched this, good triumphs over evil and they all live happily ever after. Also, of the Kilmer movies I've seen so far, I enjoyed this one the most.

Top Gun (1986)

If your like me, you probably had fond memories of "Top Gun" from your childhood. Tom Cruise was, in my young mind, the barometer of late Cold War manliness with his motorcycle and jet fighting. Having just watched it again for TKP, I was puzzled by how terrible of a movie it really is. At the end of the day "Top Gun" is just a complicated hot-for-teacher story about an irresponsible naval aviator with severe daddy issues. Not only that, this movie, released in the later part of Ronald Reagan's second term is so myopic about the implications of the Cold War that it's unbelievable. Let me explain:

Of all the movies that have ever starred Val Kilmer, this one probably needs the least introduction (other than "Batman Forever"). Just about everyone saw "Top Gun" when they were growing up. It was a mega-hit and propelled Tom Cruise from a doofus dancing around a living room in his underwear to a doofus of an action movie star. Kilmer's supporting role as Tom "Iceman" Kazanski propelled him to bigger and better things and so this movie is almost definitely responsible for the blog you're now reading.

The story is about the Navy's advanced training camp for its top pilots. Tom Cruise plays Pete "Maverick" Mitchell, a hot shot pilot who is the son of another hot shot pilot who went inexplicably missing and whose whereabouts are 'classified.' Maverick's partner is Anthony Edwards, aka "Goose,"
(aka Dr. Mark Greene on E.R. - seriously, he aged terribly)

Anyway they manage to get nominated to the Top Gun school through sheer ballsiness... and by default since the other guy quit. The pilots compete in training exercises and are awarded points. The winner gets his name on a plaque and can be a flight instructor in the Top Gun program (whoo hoo!).

Val Kilmer is the favorite to win the contest because he's... what's the word, competent. I always remembered Iceman as being this huge villain, but after having just watched it again, I'm pretty convinced that he's got a point. Basically, his beef with Maverick is that Maverick (as his McCain-inspiring nickname ought to foreshadow) is reckless and his mistakes will end up getting people in killed. This seems like a fairly straightforward critique. Maverick is kind of a jackass who doesn't care to follow military discipline and the more straight laced soldier doesn't respect him because of it.

And you'll never believe what happens! Maverick's aggressive flying leads to his plane stalling in midair and Dr. Goose dying. Also, Iceman actually wins the Top Gun contest! Did anyone else not remember this? I guess I was always under the impression that Maverick was the Top Gun, but he's not. Your led to believe that somehow Maverick's the hero because... well I don't know really, he sleeps with his teacher? He's aggressive? He's sad about being personally responsible for making his best friend's wife a widow? He recklessly endangers the lives of the crew members in the control tower for his own selfish amusement by flying perilously close to it at a high speed? When you think about it, Iceman is totally right to not respect Maverick. Iceman is a paragon of accountability. He's a reliable and skilled pilot who doesn't seem to have an F-14 Tomcat's worth of personal issues to deal with. Kilmer plays the sort of pilot our country should hope for in its service members. Cruise plays a guy who will probably get shook up after combat and end up a burnt out bum with a sign pleading for help for a vet.

That said "Top Gun" does set up an interestingly confrontational dynamic between Tom "Mr. Scientology" Cruise and Val Kilmer, a Christian Scientist (not to be confused with the aforementioned L. Ron Hubbard nonsense). One thing's for certain: not a lot of pharmaceuticals around the set with these two as the leads. Also, I'm pretty sure this is the only movie that they were in together.

I'm aware this has gotten long but I do want to touch briefly on one other point. The battle scene near the end of the movie is so preposterous. When during the later point of the cold war did Migs (as in the fighter jets of the Soviet Union) and US aircraft actually ever come even remotely close to engaging in combat? The movie's plot has a downed communication ship about to be blown up by a Mig fighters. Why? Don't worry about it? They're the evil empire? Fine. But why would the Migs willing engage the US fighters and risk World War III? It's nonsensical. It's just a convenient plot device that allows this expensive military hardware to be actually be used. Imagine how boring of a movie it would be if they just did the engage, retreat without firing a shot thing that happens at the beginning of the movie (and most likely did happen whenever either side encroached on the other's airspace). Why is the navy in the Indian Ocean in the first place? It's unexplainable militarism like this that makes people like me unable to enjoy brainless action movies.
In conclusion, that volleyball scene does not connect to any other part of the story at all, whatsoever. It's five minutes of absolutely shameless filler... but look at those bods.

Real Genius (1985)

This was another Kilmer movie that I hadn't really heard of prior to the launch of TKP. I've learned from some friends, however, that this movie is regarded in the pantheon of classic 80s teen comedies. It's easy to see why. This movie has at least one training montage with an 80s ballad playing over it.

The premise is that a bright but helplessly nerdy 15 year old overachieves his way into a prestigious college's science department on a scholarship. He's tasked with working on a high power laser project that has hit a couple roadblocks in its development. He is intensely committed and quickly bests his older syncophantic co-researchers.

His roommate (Val Kilmer) is a wild, loose cannon, party animal type who refuses to live up to his obvious potential. It's a character that was reprised in the 90s by Jeremy Piven in "PCU" and in 2002's "Van Wilder" by Ryan Reynolds. Kilmer, being the broseph that he is, reaches out to his incredibly nerdy new lab partner/dormmate and teaches him all the joys irresponsibility: flirting with girls, turning a lecture hall into a swimming pool, using science to turn your dorm hallway into a sheet of ice, etc. It's essentially the same character he played in Top Secret but a little more excitable and the ability to science exclusively for the purposes of recreation.

We learn early on that their professor is schilling his lab work for a defense contractor who is going to turn his laser into a killing machine that blasts people from space. An expensive and bizaare 1980s boondangle made commonplace by another actor. Kilmer's incessant partying leads to his almost-expulsion from college when the laser weapon isn't ready in time. This leads to a training montage as Kilmer studies his ass off and finds a new way to make the laser work (because he's a 'real genius'?).

The final act of the movie is an insane plot twist in which the professor takes his death ray to the military to be tested (no peer review? what sort of clown college is that anyway?). Kilmer and his still hopelessly nerdy and awestruck roommate concoct a zany scheme, featuring a cameo by an early version of the internet, to stop the villainous military-industrialists. They sneak onto the military base and reroute the laser to blow up their teachers house [with popcorn(?!)] thus saving humanity from its warlike urges and ushering in an unending era of peace and prospertiy that continues unabated to this day.

For an 80s staple this movie has almost none of the classic songs of that era. I don't know how they got stuck with all the no-hit-wonders but I hadn't heard any of these songs before. Still, it followed a lot of 80s tropes and probably raised Kilmer's profile more than Top Secret.

Top Secret (1984)

When I first loaded up my Netflix queue with Val Kilmer movies in order to begin The Kilmer Project, I was hopeful. But by the time "Top Secret" arrived I was beginning to have second thoughts about the whole experiment. Here's a 1984 movie that I had never heard of and wasn't especially fondly remembered by critics. I wondered how much of this I would actually want to suffer through. Within five minutes of "Top Secret" I knew I had made the right choice.

This comedy tells the implausible story of a spy ring in East Germany that attempts to stop the Germans from gaining a weapon of mass destruction by rescuing a kidnapped scientist. Val Kilmer plays a US rock star whose big hit is called "Skeet Surfin'" which is the passtime of grabbing a twelve gauge shotgun and a surfboard and heading out onto the waves to shoot at clay pigeons launched from the beach. It's bizaare. The whole movie is in that campy sort of joke-a-minute slapstick political spoof that would later manifest itself in the Hot Shots movies of the 90s. The writers mine as many jokes as they can out of the idea of East Germany being a Stalinist police state. Ha! The cold war! Hilarious! Apparently almost all of the German dialouge is actually Yiddish which substitutes surprisingly well, though judging by the IMDB Trivia page it's kind of a lot inside jokes for the handful of the surving Yiddish speakers in the world. Otherwise it's a lot of kind of crude but PG-13 humor that you might expect in an 80s gagfest such as this.

As for Kilmer, apparently he is actually singing the goofy songs that his Elvis/Beach Boys character performs throughout the movie and he was even featured on the soundtrack performing under his character's name (Nick Rivers). His hair is immaculately feathered in the finest of 80s fashion (though I noted a continuity problem where he got an unexplained haircut about halfway through) and his Elvis-ish rock star role is played as a sort of earnest frat boy. Some of the songs in this movie are so weird that they're kind of worth hearing.

Ultimately the movie is the furthest thing from timeless. It's got jokes about the Ford Pinto and the Carter administration. Honestly, I'm not even sure if kids growing up today would even understand the whole East Germany/Soviet Bloc cold war stuff. Nonetheless, this was Kilmer's first big role and a great start to The Kilmer Project.